WHAT I LEARNED ON YOMYOMF THIS WEEK – APRIL 23 – 29, 2011

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week is a capsule of the week’s blogs with sarcastic commentary from Yours Truly (that’s me!).  If you’ve been busy and missed out on a couple of our daily gems, this is a perfect way to catch up.

But seriously – what was more important than reading YOMYOMF?

This week, what have we got?  This is what we’ve got!  Overzealous tongues; cities that remind me of placentas; and peeing in public – all the matters that you need answered urgently, in one fell swoop.

Gangster, yes?

RETRO ’80S CEREAL:

“If you’re a child of the ’80s like me, you’ll wish that these cereal boxes designed by Ian Glaubinger were real. But alas, they are just another beautiful and unattainable dream:”

The important thing to ask yourself is whether or not you can eat them after midnight.

SAF SEEKING… MR. SALIVA:

“His tongue was a juicer. I don’t know what it was in my face, but somehow he believed that I must like it Saint Bernard sloppy. It was like his entire tongue entered my mouth, salivated for what seemed like eternity, and exited, leaving at least 3 tablespoons worth of spit in the cup space behind my bottom front teeth.”

This description is reminding me of Japanese tentacle porn.

Which I definitely have never watched.

But it is fucking gross.

An Open Letter to Justin Lin

Dear Justin,

Let me start off by saying that I was able to attend the N.A. premiere of “Fast Five” last night and it was an awesome, action-packed, all-out crazy, fun ride of a movie and you deserve all the success and kudos you get.

But I think that we need to start sending out a more conscientious message to movie-going kids today.  So here’s my suggestion for “Fast 6”.  How about electric car racing?  After all, we really need to save the environment and stop our dependence on Middle East oil.

Scary Numbers

I know, I know, not one more keystroke should be wasted on the Obama birther “controversy.”  I’ve got nothing revelatory to add to this non-story, but I just want to point out what savvy Obama displayed in handling this.

Kudos to him for dragging his heels on releasing his long form birth certificate.

The common wisdom says that Obama did not dig up the long form earlier because he didn’t want to get his white gloves dirty.

He was above the fray, remember.  He was taking the high road when it came to the politics of smear.  And I do believe that, in spite of the compromises he’s made since taking office, he still is a pragmatic idealist (if that contradiction actually works).

YOMYOMF Exclusive: CAR TALK Ep2 w/Sung & Tyrese

Yes, folks, it’s finally here: Episode 2 of Car Talk Discussion with Sung Kang a.k.a. Han from Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift. Once again, Sung is back with director and fellow Offender Anson Ho, and this time they’ve brought along a special guest. So check out Car Talk Discussion 2 below and then afterwards, we’ve asked Sung to say a few words on the making of this project. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgVYSCoF17k (UPDATE: we had to remove the video due to “legal issues” with NPR’s show CAR TALK but a censored edited version will be up shortly)

The One Bad Thing About Getting Your Blood Drawn.

There’s only one bad thing about getting your blood drawn.  This is only, of course, if you discount the painful prick of the needle and the occasional inept blood-drawing person who stabs you multiple times in the arm to find a suitable vein in vain.

I, as of late, had to endure this process and this “only one bad thing” did happen to be part of my own experience.

Not every blood draw requires it, but, in this instance, it did. Additionally, it had been so long since any blood draw I was a part of had involved a fast that it caught me of guard.

I want to go to there.

Okay, so abstain from eating food for at least twelve hours before your early morning appointment the following day – that was my Prime Directive.  When it was handed to me initially, no sweat on my brow had broken.

This was no day-long fast and, seeing as at least half of the fasting time could be chalked up to sweet, sweet sleep, the actual amount of conscious time spent wrestling with my Hunger Demons didn’t seem particularly significant.

Yeah, well, fuck me – I was wrong.

Exclusive Interview w/ Fast Five’s 5-year-old Screenwriter

Unfortunately, I won’t be able to trek out to L.A. for all the opening night fun tomorrow at the L.A. Asian Pacific Film Festival. But I’m sure everyone will have a great time watching Offender Justin’s Fast Five (which opens stateside on April 29 for anyone living in Unabomber-style isolation). Check out this interview with the film’s screenwriter Chris Morgan from our friends at the Onion. It’s definitely one of the most informative interviews I’ve seen about the film:


Good Orientalism

Jennifer Lopez ‘s recent chinky photo shoot for TOUS jewelry has stirred up a cacophony of “Orientalist” alarms from Angry Asian Man to 8Asians. As a former student of postcolonial criticism, I have mixed feelings about these discourses. Although those photos do showcase a creative stylization of Asian themes and aesthetics that may not be culturally coherent and authentic, I don’t feel they are done with bad or politicized intentions to subjugate Asians or Asian Americans.

Even though I’m natively Asian or Asian American, who am I to be the arbitrator of other people’s taste, style and rendition of culture? Do I own Asian culture just because I’m Asian? Why should I feel threatened by other people’s liberal use of Asian culture? Even if it is misappropriated, does it reflect badly on me? Does it threaten my own identity and culture?

LAAPFF Update: ‘Fast Five’ This Thursday & Join us on Twitter

We’re just one day away from the SOLD-OUT April 28 opening night screening of Offender Justin’s Fast Five at the Los Angeles Asian Pacific Film Festival. The film has already opened to impressive numbers in several international territories and the buzz is strong going into Thursday so it should be a fun night.

We want to start off by congratulating the three winners of our twitter contest who will be attending the opening as our special guests. We received some great entries so it was a very tough choice, but my fellow Offenders picked @RebelRomance, @ignatiuslin and @kurlykolly (who is traveling 3,000 miles just to attend). They’ll all be tweeting during the evening so you can keep up with what’s happening even if you can’t be there. My fellow Offender Anderson will also be live tweeting via our own twitter @yomyomf so you can follow us there as well. If you want to keep up with all the festival tweets, check out the hashtag #LAAPFF.

Also, a special shout-out to the good folks at Intertrend who have generously subsidized the cost of a block of tickets so that deserving teens from the Asian Youth Center, the K.W. Lee Center For Leadership, La Puente High School and Workman High School can attend opening night. They, along with everyone else in attendance, will be in for a special night that will include not only the film, but the premiere of Car Talk Discussion 2 with Sung & Tyrese, cool celebs, our very funny hosts Danny Pudi (Community) and Parvesh Cheena (Outsourced), and other surprises.

The OTHER Stage Fright

I can’t pee at public urinals.

And it’s only gotten worse the older I get.

When a movie lets out, or it’s the seventh inning stretch at a baseball game, the pressure in my bladder is second only to the unbearable pressure in my fevered mind as I make the death march to the bathroom.

Suddenly I can see individual dust particles falling and can hear a butterfly flapping its wings two hundred yards away.  Colors are vivid and scary.  My every nerve tingles, but the ones that control my bladder shut down completely.

How to Survive if You’re a Criminal in Gotham City

So last week, Warner Bros. officially confirmed that Marion Cotillard and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are on board for director Chris Nolan’s third and final installment in his Batman franchise. However, early speculation that they would be playing villains Talia al Ghul and Alberto Falcone, respectively, have turned out to be false (unless Nolan pulls a switcheroo).

But this latest news made me think of the villains and other criminal element in Gotham City (home of the Dark Knight). Now, unless you’re a sociopath like the Joker who finds pleasure in his confrontations with the Bat, it’s gotta be tough to operate on the other side of the law in a city where you’re always looking over your shoulder in case a psycho in a bat suit shows up to break your legs when all you want to do is steal a few jewels to feed your family. So here are 5 bits of advice that will help you survive if you decide to pursue the criminal life in Gotham City.

1) COMMIT YOUR CRIMES IN THE DAYTIME

By now, any criminal has to have figured out that Batman only comes out at night. He is the Dark Knight after all and, let’s be honest, a dude in a rubber bat suit running around in broad daylight isn’t going to strike terror in anyone except maybe the S&M transvestite hookers working the day shift on Hollywood Blvd who are afraid they now have new competition for their business. Yet, time and time again, the criminals in Gotham City insist on committing their crimes at night and, time and time again, they end up getting their asses kicked by the Bat. That’s like walking into the lion’s cage at the zoo wearing a suit made out of raw meat during the lion’s feeding time. If you’re going to walk into the lion’s cage at all, at least do it when the lion is out for its veterinarian check-up. It’s just common sense, people.