You are currently browsing the archives for November 2010.

Get Over Yourself

  • November 30, 2010 4:00 am

I don’t get it.  I really don’t.  Somebody out there help me.  Airport bodyscans are an invasion of privacy?  Really?  How?

Okay, she's got an extra roll above the belt line, and his junk tilts to the right. Big deal. I'd be much more concerned with the strange growth on his left shoulder. Seriously, dude, get that checked out.

Putting aside the question of radiation – and believe me, no one loves a good conspiracy and coverup as much as I do – but I happen to think the government is probably doing a much better job killing us off by letting us breathe near cars than taking a peek at our flab.

Japanese Porn Star Maria Ozawa’s Indonesian Dilemma

  • November 30, 2010 12:01 am

My fellow Offender Anderson previously blogged about Japanese porn star Maria Ozawa’s interesting dilemma in the largely Muslim nation of Indonesia where she has a huge fan base (this is according to Anderson, I have no knowledge of this subject myself). Because she’s so big there, she has been contracted to appear in a number of non-porn films by an Indonesian production company, but this has met with ire and protests from conservative groups like the Islamic Defenders Front (FPI).

Well, one of these Maria Ozawa-starring, non-porn Indonesian films entitled Hantu Tanah Kusir (Carriage Ghost) was just released in that country a few days ago. I don’t know much about the movie, but it looks like your typical Asian B-horror flick. Here’s a description from a local Jakarta paper:

Short Film Spotlight: MIRACLE FISH

  • November 29, 2010 2:53 am

Since I was busy working with my fellow Offenders with the Interpretations Film Initiative, I’ve kind of neglected the Short Film Spotlight here on the blog. Well, it’s back again and perfect timing, because this edition showcases one of my favorite short films from the past couple of years. MIRACLE FISH, directed by Luke Doolan, is one of those rare gems. Here’s the plotline:

8 year old Joe has a Birthday he will never forget. After friends bully him, he sneaks off to the sick bay, wishing everyone in the world would go away. He wakes up to find his dream may have become a reality.

The film was Oscar nominated last year and is just another example of great, atmospheric film work coming from Australia. A film editor by trade, Doolan recently cut the Aussie crime drama Animal Kingdom, which is another film to add to your Netlfix queue. Enough chit-chat and watch this amazing film after the jump….

Why Not Start Your Own Film Festival?

  • November 29, 2010 12:08 am

QUENTIN

Quentin Lee is the film hustler. A severely edited-for-TV version of his latest feature “The People I’ve Slept With” that he directed and produced is currently on Logo. It will be due out uncut on VOD and DVD from Maya Entertainment. He writes for filmhustler.com when he’s in the mood.

Image courtesy of Daric Loo

Exactly. Why not start your own film festival if you have movies to screen that didn’t get into other film festivals? I have to say that’s the best motivation to start a film festival—having that passionate need of showing films (whether your own or others) that other film festivals neglected.

That’s how Slamdance started. It was a reaction against Sundance not accepting several filmmakers’ features. Those rejected filmmakers went to Park City in 1995 and started their own festival–Slamdance–which has become a bit of an institution of its own.

In the same fateful year, I remember that due to the limited slots in shorts programming, the then Los Angeles Asian Pacific Film Festival ended up not taking Justin Lin’s and a few other Asian American students’ shorts. Jennifer Kim, Daric Loo, Justin Lin, a few students and I banded together to form APACT, the Asian Pacific American Coalition in Film & Television, at UCLA. We also started our own annual film festival to showcase the films made by both undergraduate and graduate film students of APA descent at UCLA.

The McRib: Gone, Baby, Gone!

  • November 29, 2010 12:01 am

For those of you living under a rock, McDonalds’ McRib sandwich is back. On November 2, the McRib once again became available nationwide for “a limited time only.” So what does that mean? Well, just that the McRib is going away again on December 5. That’s just one week, people! And who knows when it’ll be back?

But first, for those of you indeed living under a rock, what is a McRib? Well, I’m not actually sure but according to wikipedia, “The McRib consists of a formed ground pork patty, barbecue sauce, onions, and pickles served on a 6 inch (15.2 cm) roll.” Honestly, you probably don’t want to know anything more about it then that so I’d recommend against any further investigation.

What I do know is the McRib was first introduced back in 1981 as a regular menu item, but pulled in 1985 due to lackluster sales (except in Germany where its popularity has kept it on the menu). Since that time, it’s re-appeared periodically as “a limited time only” item and has developed a devoted following over the years. It’s become a bona-fide “cult” hit; the culinary equivalent of something like The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

SAF Seeking… That perfect kiss

  • November 28, 2010 2:16 pm

He was South African. I had met him earlier this year on a backpacking trip.
And now here we stood -after downing 2 pitchers of really strong margaritas, a full french dinner with a whole bottle of red wine, and 2 useless roobios teas that did NOT sober us up as planned- on 18th Street and Florida Street in the Potrero Hill district. It was 11:30pm. We barely knew each other.

French Kissing- Is it all just media hype?

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – November 21 – 27, 2010

  • November 27, 2010 1:46 am

It’s just about that time of the year again.  Festive shades of red and green are starting to pepper the streets and amazing arrays of lights are coming to life in neighborhoods across the country.  Blow-up reindeer and snowmen tower over more and more lawns on the way home.

As a southern California resident however, the signs of the holidays are pretty much restricted to those made by man.  When it comes to matters of nature’s grandeur, we’re pretty much stuck with (what is to natives) blistering cold minus the awesome wonder of snow.  Every time I go outside now – which isn’t often – I think about just how much more understanding I’d be of the weather if it were at least accompanied with the once-a-year abilities to make snow angels and add a scarf to my outfit without worrying about my fading masculinity.

Hope y’all had a happy thanksgiving – that is if you celebrate that kind of thing – and are ready to play catch up with YOMYOMF.  This last full week of November, we explore the universal appeal of breasts pressing against our freedom of speech; the correlation between threatening times and amounts of sweet, sweet intercourse; and the exemplary human behavior on display on Black Friday.

“In His Cellar, I Am Chained to a Radiator” – WTF?!

  • November 27, 2010 12:01 am

Regular readers of this blog know that the Japanese sometimes have a perverse take on things, but I have to say I don’t think I’ve come across anything that’s quite as disturbing than the video you’ll see below.

As far as I can tell, this clip is from some Japanese children’s show. A little girl and her furry friends seem to be singing about the fun of…well, being abducted, held hostage and abused/tortured. According to the English subtitles, the song contains such kid-friendly lyrics as:

He forces me to wash him.

Oxygen deprivation!

He guides me to the stirrups.

I pray for death’s release.

Punitive spanking.

I am bleeding internally.

As well as the aforementioned chorus of:

In his cellar, I am chained to a radiator.

What A Season, or, No John Madden Bullshit

  • November 26, 2010 4:09 am

My son Rafael finished up his freshman year JV football season with a mild concussion and a triumphant 42-19 loss against Kennedy.  He declared it a great game because, head injury aside, he got a lot of playing time, plus it was the smallest point gap the Albany JV Cougars enjoyed all year long (outside of one fluke victory early in the season).

Naturally my wife Linda flipped out over the mild concussion – the term used by the team trainer – and promised Rafael he would never play football again.  But Rafael kept his cool.  The season was over anyway, and he knows his mom.  If he just didn’t faint or his eyes didn’t roll back in his head for the next day or two, she would back off and he’d be suiting up again next fall.

When Black Friday Comes…

  • November 26, 2010 12:01 am

So I was driving home after my annual family Thanksgiving gorging and passed a Target store to see a line of waiting consumers already snaking around the block. Yup, Black Friday is here—the day after Thanksgiving, the start of the Christmas shopping season and, traditionally, the busiest retail sales day of the year.

So an official national holiday where we’re encouraged to eat until we pass out is followed by an unofficial national holiday where we’re encouraged to spend as much money as possible on flat-screen TVs that’ll be out of date in three months and clothes we’ll only wear once. No wonder the terrorists hate us.

Personally, I’ve never understood the appeal of the whole Black Friday thing. Frankly, I hate shopping, but even if I didn’t, there are very few things I’d be willing to camp out all night for that doesn’t involve a naked Megan Fox, whipped cream and a dwarf with a video camera.

Still, I get why Black Friday is such a big deal and why we should show our “gratitude”—the bargains are great and we need to help stimulate our economy like good capitalists or the terrorists win, but sorry, I’m still going to choose to opt out. And if that makes me un-American, then all I can say is–praise Allah!

Jerome & Inception: fan fiction – THE HUMAN VAULT, part seven.

  • November 25, 2010 1:16 am

I have been challenged to write about Inception once a week until the end of the year.  Not that this really changes anything because I was planning on doing that anyway.

This week, we continue my adventure into the world of fan fiction.  It’s probably safe to say we won’t be getting any more Inception stories from Nolan and the Blu-Ray doesn’t come out till later this year.  So in order to get a fix, I’m pretty much gonna have to make my own so hopefully, you need a fix too.

The first is a story in parts.  Here is Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5 and Part 6.  This would be Part 7.  It’s called

“The Human Vault.”

Things to be Grateful For

  • November 24, 2010 1:05 am

On Thanksgiving, many of us will be hard pressed to find things to be thankful for, what with the lackluster economy and having to suffer full body scans at the airport.

As a writer, however, I have had the privilege of researching many stories over the years which have made me realize how fortunate I am to be living in the here and now, rather than in the over there or back then.  It just takes a moment to contemplate over the things that have been banned in the past or are currently banned in other countries to know what to be thankful for.  Here are my top 10:

1) Art

Creating art that did not conform to the ideals of Social Realism was banned in the Soviet Republic during Stalin’s rule.  Besides political and religious art, the ban included abstract art, expressionism and anything depicting nude bodies.  Avant garde artists who did not adapt to the policies were often either murdered or sent to the gulag.  Even after Stalin died in 1953, nonconformist art was illegal until the mid ‘70s. 

I am grateful that although I am not an artist and cannot distinguish between an authentic Pollock and a kid’s spaghetti painting, I can at least admire both without fear.

It’s the End of the World As We Know It and Koreans Feel Fine

  • November 24, 2010 12:01 am

After hearing about the skirmish between North and South Korea on Tuesday that left two South Korean Marines dead and more than a dozen injured (plus an unknown number of casualties on the North Korean side), I emailed some friends in South Korea to express my concern and to see how they were doing in the face of this new tension. The responses I received were all pretty unanimous in their shared sentiment: we’re fine and we’re not really worried about anything.

Really? The two sides exchanged artillery, people died, there’s talk of escalation and armed conflict and you’re not worried? Here’s one of the responses I received to this question:

Kim Jong-Il is like that crazy old man who occasionally runs out to the front yard wielding a garden hoe to scream at the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn. He may look dangerous to strangers who may not know him, but the neighbors eventually learn the guy is more bark than bite. You’re not going to ignore him when he does that, but it’s not a big deal either.

Who Doesn’t Love Boobs?

  • November 23, 2010 3:45 am

Can I just say, right here, right now, that I too, “heart” boobies, and that I feel nothing but solidarity for our oppressed young sisters in Easton, Pennsylvania, who have shamefully been suspended from school for wearing plastic bracelets which boldly and cheerfully proclaim “I (heart) boobies”?

Middle school students Kayla Martinez, 12, and Brianna Hawk, 13, were suspended from school and banned from dances for wearing the popular bracelets designed to do nothing more than promote breast cancer awareness among young people (and uncontrollable titters from boys age 9-13).

So what did Kayla and Brianna and their friends at the ACLU do?  File a lawsuit, of course.  The suit demands that the school district ends the ban, allows the girls to attend those dances, and expunges their disciplinary record.

Mary Christmas!

  • November 23, 2010 12:01 am

Yes, I know it’s not even Thanksgiving, but these days it seems like Christmas comes earlier than ever (I saw my first Christmas TV commercial this year in August). So I’m jumping on the bandwagon too with our first holiday blog of the season. And what better way to kick things off then a photographic look at how our wacky Asian brethren celebrate this special time of year?

So Mary Christmas, everyone! Oh yeah, and Happy Thanksgiving, too.

Force Protection

  • November 22, 2010 12:10 am

EDWARD

Edward Chang was born on 20 May 1980 in Taipei and raised in Southern California. He studied at the University of California, San Diego, where he received a bachelor’s degree in psychology and economics. Edward served in a U.S. Army aviation regiment in Operation Iraqi Freedom. After his deployment, he received a master’s degree in Creative Writing from the University of Southern California and a law degree from Loyola Law School. He lives in Los Angeles, where he practices law and spends his free time wrestling his dog, Ludwig. His first novel, Chinks & Mortars, is available as an ebook, on Barnes and Noble and Amazon. He previously blogged about his time in Iraq (see here) and shares another experience below.

“Cigalette?” Muhammed offered, withdrawing a pack from under his wind beaten shirt.

“No, no thank you…”

Feeling silly for thinking him a terrorist, I reciprocated Muhammed’s friendliness in the best way I knew how – excessive conversation. As we whizzed back up the road in my Hummer, I began blabbing like an eager kid. For his part, Muhammed only had to nod and smile to keep me going, which he did in generous helpings.

I spoke to Muhammed about the warm morning and how I thought I was finally getting used to the desert heat. I told him I was from Los Angeles, and that I had been to Disneyland, and then I asked him if he knew what Disneyland was. Sometimes when you get away with talking too much, you say really silly things.

He smiled and popped a cigarette in his mouth. Finding no lighter on his body, he simply sat back in the passenger seat and pretended to smoke.

“I was thinking just now how it must be like to be one of you. I know that sounds really wrong, but I can’t help but think that. I was pretending I woke up at the butt crack of dawn to come over to this base to build our fence and make an honest day’s buck. Only, I don’t know what happens next. What happens at the end of the day when I go home? Do my friends make fun of me for working with the Americans? I wonder if you go back to some place awful and bombed out, or if all this really doesn’t affect your real life so much.”

Six Films Where The Asian Sidekick Is More Interesting Than The Protagonist

  • November 22, 2010 12:02 am

The new trailer for the upcoming Seth Rogen-starring Green Hornet film was just released last week (see below) to mostly positive fan reaction. That plus a recent test screening of the film that went well must be welcome news for the filmmakers after the mostly bad buzz that has been dogging the production from the start.

Of course anyone who knows anything about the Green Hornet knows that the real star of the show is Asian sidekick Kato, most famously played by martial arts legend Bruce Lee in the short-lived 1960s television series. This time, Jay Chou is Kato and if the new trailer is any indication, it looks like the character will definitely have a chance to shine so we’ll see if Chou is up to the task. Check out the trailer here:

In the meantime, here are six more films (in no particular order) where the Asian “sidekick” stole the picture from right under the nose of the white protagonist:

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – November 14 – 20, 2010

  • November 20, 2010 4:23 pm

While I continue to write about Inception, it may surprise you to learn I’ve taken to spreading the good word about a different bit of entertainment elsewhere in my life.

As of late, I’d been trying to get my dear ninang (that’s ‘godmother’ in Tagalog) to get hooked on Mad Men.  After taking just a little under a year to finally get through the first season, she recently burned through seasons two and three over the course of a week or two.

I’d say I’ve just about done my job.  The funny thing is that occasionally I will sit and watch an episode with her and during some scene with Jon Hamm, she will just randomly say, “He is so good-looking.”

Okay, so maybe it’s not so random, but then we’ll have a two-minute conversation about why he is good-looking and where his looks fall in the history of looks and before we know it, I’ve got to rewind five minutes of Mad Men because we’ve talked too much and my math is bad.

Look: the bottom line is now my ninang loves Mad Men and has discovered the Adonis-like man Jon Hamm.  That’s all I wanted to tell you guys.

Alright, with a clap of my hands I will tell you about the hot topics from this week: Pacquiao being a badass; saving Thanksgiving from vegetarians; and having an appetite… FOR MURDER!

If that doesn’t get you to click on, I don’t know what will.  Oh, wait:

The Power Couple

  • November 19, 2010 3:38 am

The Film Festival I work at was a success. It was a 30th anniversary year, and we had some dignitaries ranging from famed Chinese director Zhang Yimou to stars from True Blood. But what was truly an honor was bringing back Roger and Chaz Ebert back after a five year absence and to present them with one of our visionary awards, for their tremendous work in the perpetuation of film criticism, which we’ve discussed around here as sorely lacking in today’s landscape, especially in the lack of Asian American film critics in general.

High Octane Cauliflower

  • November 19, 2010 3:25 am

“Man, it’s awesome how much cauliflower they put in here.”


This was fellow Offender Justin’s nightly mantra at dinner while we were working on Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift.

In a recent blog, Justin described the perks of living in first class hotels (Jonas Brothers sightings in Rio!) on the studio’s dime.  I can attest to this.  But in Tokyo it wasn’t about teen celebrity sightings – it was about cauliflower power.  Justin brought me along to help him with some writing on the movie, and so, for a few weeks, we lived in the Park Hyatt Hotel in Shinjuku, and got to enjoy all the curried cauliflower we could eat.  We decided it helped our brains.