You are currently browsing the archives for October 2010.

SAF Seeking… Unconditional Color Blind Love

  • October 31, 2010 11:10 am

This is how I thought love should always be like.

Is this perfection or am I wrong?

It was 2002 and I was just getting over a very bad heartbreak. I had moved out of my now ex’s apartment and was living in a small studio in the Silverlake area of Los Angeles. To punctuate my break up, I decided to get a cat. My ex was allergic to cats and we couldn’t own one together. So now that he was out of the picture, enter kitty cat!

I had decided I wanted a white cat. Why white? Because the majority of the furniture I owned at the time was white. If that cat was going to shed all over the place, it might as well blend into the background.  Read more...

9 Comments on SAF Seeking... Unconditional Color Blind Love

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – October 24 – 30, 2010

  • October 30, 2010 10:02 pm

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, FOLKS!  It’s that time of the year when people find a way to make every character in your childhood into something sexy, confirming whatever weird fetishes you may possesses regarding the Thundercats (although god damn, Lion-O – have you seen his thighs?).

And that’s as good a segue as any other into what many academic journals have already called “THE BEST USE OF LOOPING EVER, BRB:”

I wanted to use the .gif, but it wouldn’t work.  It was probably too big – that’s what she said – so just turn off the volume and wonder just where that Elmo shirt is now.

If any of you are wondering, my Halloween costume will be/is Arthur from Inception (minus the PASIV suitcase just because it is so expensive) with a side of Guy Fawkes just because I doubt anyone will be able to tell I am Arthur until I start performing the introduction of the film by myself.

don't worry, ladies - you'll all have a turn

Right about now I am probably seeing just how gaga the women will be over a man who can dream a little bigger.  While they are undoubtedly crawling all over me, check out the interview I did with Chris Lee, executive producer of such films as Superman Returns and Valkyrie, over at the Interpretations site before reading on.

This week, YOMYOMF delved into getting your ass kicked by your younger self; the adventures of the murderous Great Pumpkin; and the diaries of Vlad Tepes.  If you haven’t wet your pants in excitement yet, you may want to check your bladder.  And if you have, what the hell is wrong with you?  GET THE HELL OUT.  Read more...

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A Happy (Recycled) Halloween!

  • October 30, 2010 9:32 pm

I was going to write a brand-new Halloween themed blog for this weekend and then thought: WTF?! Why exert the time and effort to do something new when I can recycle shit I’ve already done with minimal effort?

After all, I often write about themes and topics that are appropriate for Halloween (last October, for ex, I did a month-long tribute to all things related to the holiday) so why not just re-package those old blogs in one “super” post?

So here are my top ten favorite (or the top ten that I was able to find with a quick google search) appropriately Halloween-themed posts from the past year in no particular order. Enjoy, and Happy Halloween! Oh, and if any of our hot female readers would like to send over photos of yourselves in slutty, revealing Halloween costumes, you’ll get no objection from me. Have fun and be safe—expect to see you all back here on Monday.

And here we go:

 Read more...

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It’s Not Easy Being Vlad

  • October 29, 2010 3:36 am

Last month, the fifteenth century diary of Prince Vlad Tepes of Wallachia was discovered during excavations for “Wet Troughs of Speed!” Transylvania’s newest water theme park.  Nicknamed Vlad the Impaler by his critics, the busy prince is known to have killed at least one fifth the population of his own principality in addition to hundreds of thousands of Turks, Saxons, Germans, Hungarians and anyone else he found annoying.  At a crowded press conference, Transylvanian officials kindly made public a portion of the petite histoire of the enigmatic, and perhaps misunderstood, man who would come to be known as Dracula.

June 29, 1453

Can’t believe Constantinople fell to the Turks.  The Saxons, maybe, but the Turks?  At least the garden looks good.  Read more...

3 Comments on It's Not Easy Being Vlad

Looking To Snag An Asian Dude? Well, Girl, Then Get Yo Ass To Vietnam!

  • October 29, 2010 12:01 am

Regular readers of this blog know that we often get emails from non-Asian women who dig Asian guys asking for advice on how to snag some of that tasty yellow man meat for themselves. I’ve tried to help these ladies when I can (see past examples here and here), but according to this latest report, the answer to their yellow-fevered prayers may be to get their fine booties over to Vietnam.

It seems the country is about to experience a serious gender imbalance. For every 100 females that are born in Vietnam, 110.6 males are born (compared to the norm of 105). Other Asian nations are also experiencing similar imbalances, but it’s happened over a longer period of time and those rates are starting to even out.

According to Vietnam’s Deputy Prime Minister Nguyen Thien Nhan, this situation may grow so severe that 3 million men will find it difficult to find wives by 2030. While this may sound like a problem for Vietnam, it is a golden opportunity to all of you looking to hook yourself an Asian man.  Read more...

21 Comments on Looking To Snag An Asian Dude? Well, Girl, Then Get Yo Ass To Vietnam!

Five Otherwise ‘Stereotypical’ Films Made Better By An Asian Performance

  • October 28, 2010 12:01 am

Last week I blogged about five otherwise decent films ruined by Asian stereotypes. Today, I look at five films (in no particular order) with problematic portrayals of Asians but that contain at least one performance by an Asian actor that make the movies “better.” So without further ado:

1. THE LAST SAMURAI (2003) 
Ken Watanabe as Katsumoto

On the face of it, the plot for this movie sounds pretty ridiculous: White soldier (Tom Cruise) travels to 19th century Japan and becomes the titular “last samurai” when all the other samurais are killed off, then proceeds to retire to a Japanese village to live out his life with his Japanese love. But what gives the film its weight and verisimilitude are the performances of the Japanese cast and, in particular, Ken Watanabe as the leader of the samurai rebels who takes Cruise under his wing and mentors him. Watanabe (who was nominated for an Academy Award for his work) grounds the film with a talent and charisma that appears so subtle and effortless that before you even realize it, you have witnessed the birth of a true American star.

Here’s the original preview trailer:

 Read more...

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Jerome & Inception: fan fiction – THE HUMAN VAULT, part three.

  • October 28, 2010 12:00 am

I have been challenged to write about Inception once a week until the end of the year. Not that this really changes anything because I was planning on doing that anyway.

This week, we continue my adventure into the world of fan fiction.  It’s probably safe to say we won’t be getting any more Inception stories from Nolan and the Blu-Ray doesn’t come out till later this year.  So in order to get a fix, I’m pretty much gonna have to make my own so hopefully, you need a fix too.

The first is a story in parts.  Here is Part 1 and Part 2.  This is Part 3.  It’s called

“The Human Vault.”  Read more...

3 Comments on Jerome & Inception: fan fiction – THE HUMAN VAULT, part three.

Life After Interpretations

  • October 27, 2010 12:30 am

ON THE CHOICES

Though I was not a juror, I loved all the top choices of Interpretations.  “Shine” actually brought tears to my eyes, which is a major accomplishment for 3 minutes.  All the winners also really thought about the lines of the script and didn’t just throw them in without any real context.

There were many other shorts that I also loved and yes, there were some personal faves of mine that didn’t make it, but just think of trying to get 10 friends to unanimously agree on 5 pictures that should be nominated for the Oscars. And with 240 pictures to choose from, I think it would be close to impossible.  Films are subjective.  That’s their nature.  Yes, perhaps next time, there can be more awards, but the organizers never anticipated this many entries.  They thought they would get maybe 50 entries if they were lucky.  Also,  I understand that entries that didn’t win but had an impact on the judges will be focused on in the coming weeks.  So check back for those.

FOR THOSE WHO DIDN’T WIN

Hollywood is a very difficult place that many people aspire to be a part of whether you are white, black, Asian, Hispanic or anything else.  They don’t call it the “land of broken dreams” for nothing.  If you want to make it in this industry, be prepared for lots and lots of rejection.  Be prepared for lots of notes, criticism and general degradation.  So in a way, not “winning” is a good preparation for Hollywood.  This little film contest is a tiny dust mite in the landscape of disappointments, rejections and perceived injustices you are going to face in the biz, so if you don’t have the chops to take it, get out now!  Run!  Read more...

24 Comments on Life After Interpretations

A Very Satanic Charlie Brown Halloween

  • October 27, 2010 12:01 am

As a child, what I loved most about the holidays were the Charlie Brown specials and my favorite was the Halloween-themed It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. In the special, Linus sits up all night in the pumpkin patch waiting for the appearance of the Great Pumpkin only to end up disappointed.

Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately considering the bloody carnage that follows), Linus rectifies his past mistake by calling for the Great Pumpkin using “satanic” witchcraft in this Adult Swim Charlie Brown special from a couple of years back. Check it out:

Charlie Brown – Halloween Special

WhiteKenny | Myspace Video  Read more...

1 Comment on A Very Satanic Charlie Brown Halloween

To Catch A Cheater

  • October 26, 2010 4:22 am

While I love these two pictures, they’re completely misleading.  I guess it’s only fair I disabuse you right away: this post isn’t about using decoys to catch would-be philanderers.  Nope, nothing nearly that juicy, I’m afraid, but it might be about something just as important.

For the last four years, I’ve been part of a group called WriterCoach Connection.  We go into middle schools and high schools and tutor kids one-on-one.  They bring us outlines or drafts of their work, or maybe just the kernels of ideas, and we help them find their voice, figure out what they want to say, and do it in a comprehensible way. 

It’s fun and I love it.  Read more...

5 Comments on To Catch A Cheater

INTERPRETATIONS Update 10-26: SDAFF Recap

  • October 26, 2010 12:01 am

So as our readers know, some of the YOMYOMF crew headed down south this past weekend for the San Diego Asian Film Fest where we announced the five winning finalists of our INTERPRETATIONS Film Initiative: Aldous Davidson, Kha Do, Keith Eng, Andrew Oh and Joey Yee.

The finalists were announced at the fest’s big gala dinner on Saturday night. Guest Offender David Henry Hwang (Tony Award-winning writer of M. Butterfly) and INTERPRETATIONS commissioned filmmaker Danny Pudi (Abed on NBC’s Community) presented awards to the three finalists in attendance: Aldous, Andrew and Joey (Keith and Kha will receive their awards by mail).

 Read more...

17 Comments on INTERPRETATIONS Update 10-26: SDAFF Recap

Why I Hate (writing for) the Movies

  • October 25, 2010 8:50 pm

DHH

David Henry Hwang is a playwright who has been producing plays, musicals and operas for three decades. He won the Tony Award for his play M. BUTTERFLY and also writes for movies and television. He spent the past weekend in San Diego to help YOMYOMF celebrate the end of INTERPRETATIONS at the San Diego Asian Film Festival and to attend the production of his play YELLOW FACE at the Mo’olelo Performing Arts Company which runs until this weekend. 

Having just served as a juror for INTERPRETATIONS and returned from the impressive San Diego Asian Film Festival, I find myself inspired by the talent, dedication, and passion that went into each and every film. This causes me to reflect on my own experiences as a screenwriter working on movies, most of which did not get made, as well as the handful that did.

I should explain that I come to the filmmaking world as something of an outsider. I’m not referring so much to my being Asian, as that I’m basically a theatre guy, having written plays, Broadway musicals, and libretti for operas. So, as a writer, I am spoiled. In every form involving scripts, someone holds the primary creative vision, which the other collaborating artists support. In opera, for instance, that person is the composer. When it comes to plays, it’s the playwright.  Read more...

7 Comments on Why I Hate (writing for) the Movies

self ass-kickage

  • October 25, 2010 10:19 am

This weekend I got my ass kicked…by me.  OK, it wasn’t really me that kicked my ass but a scrawny, little asian fucker kid who exhibited a rather uncanny resemblance to me as a high school student.  This mini me was about 5’3″ tall, skinny as a broom pole (he weighed 105 pounds, tops), tan as a piece of beef jerky, and had super cool hair (kind of like Justin Bieber’s but black).  Yes that was me in high school.  And for some twisted reason, God, karma, or Cyberdyne Systems planned for me to duel my doppelgänger to the near death.  He as the ass kicker.  The real me, as the ass kicked.  It would not be pretty to say the least…

 Read more...

12 Comments on self ass-kickage

INTERPRETATIONS UPDATE 10-24: The Final Five Revealed!

  • October 24, 2010 10:57 pm

We had a great time this weekend at the San Diego Asian Film Fest! We’ll be posting photos and all the festival lowdown later this week, but in the meantime, check out the five winning finalists below.

You’ll hear more about these five films in the near future as well as some of the other entries that were singled-out by our jurors so keep an eye out for that.

Otherwise, I’m off to bed after a weekend of too much fun courtesy of Lee Ann Kim and all the SDAFF folks who know how to show their guests a great time. The fest is still going on until Thursday so go out and support if you’re in the area (info here). Here are the final five. Congrats to the finalists and everyone who participated:  Read more...

66 Comments on INTERPRETATIONS UPDATE 10-24: The Final Five Revealed!

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – October 17 – 23, 2010

  • October 24, 2010 1:25 am

So it’s finally come to that.  I had always considered it an option, but I’d never acted on the impulse to do so.  I thought it was an extreme way of handling things.  But no – it had to be done and so it has been.  I’ve made my bed and now I sleep in it.

And that, folks, is a bed without Facebook or Tumblr.  With the help of my computer savvy friend, I blocked the two websites on my computer, making it impossible for me to access them and ‘waste’ any time during my day.  But – so help me God – I am like an addict looking for a fix.  It’s really awful, people.  I need help.  Does someone have a laptop I can borrow after this?

Alright, I’m gonna go fix myself a drink, but here’s what’s in store for you from this week: 2010′s top ten porno titles (with bonus eleventh!); an argument against candy-free Halloweens; and lost wallers being returned (which, honestly, is pretty fucking unbelievable).

I know that’s pretty hard to swallow.  All of that coming down from one column.  But once you’ve managed to stomach it, click on to  Read more...

2 Comments on What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – October 17 - 23, 2010

Guess Don Has a Thing for Big Teeth

  • October 22, 2010 4:18 am

First off, a tip of the hat to fellow Offender Jerome for going out on a limb and claiming that actress Jessica Pare, who plays Don Draper’s secretary Megan (the soon-to-be Mrs. Don Draper #2), wears fake teeth on the show. In the season finale, Megan tells Don how her flitty little LA actress friend told her she’d never make it in show biz because of her teeth. Unbelievable! They made a plot point out of Jerome’s crackpot theory! Young man, I salute you.

And is it any wonder Megan’s little friend was sniping at her? Fake teeth or no, Megan is so much hotter than her, especially in that sexy black dress with the diamond cutout she wore to the Whiskey A Go Go.  Read more...

3 Comments on Guess Don Has a Thing for Big Teeth

The Most Ridiculous (or Awesome) Edited-For-TV Movie Lines

  • October 22, 2010 12:02 am

We all know that when films eventually make their way to television, some of the more “colorful” lines of dialogue are edited or changed so as not to offend the viewing masses. Well, check out the video below for some of the more ridiculous (or awesome, depending on your perspective) movie-to-TV editing jobs.

My favorite is Samuel Jackson’s memorable proclamation from Snakes on a Plane: “I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane” which has somehow morphed to “I have had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane” in the TV version. Makes perfect sense to me. Check out the rest below.

And on a separate note, I’m heading south today for the San Diego Asian Film Festival to speak on a couple of panels “celebrating web 2.0 filmmaking” (though I’m not completely sure I understand what that means) alongside other folks who are probably not as confused about this topic as me including Just Kidding Films and the dynamic duo of Artichoke & Peachies. That’ll be at San Diego State University’s Backdoor at Aztec Center today at noon and the University of California, San Diego’s Cross Cultural Center at 2 PM. Then, join us at the big gala dinner tomorrow night where our friends David Henry Hwang (Tony-Award winning playwright, M. Butterfly) and Danny Pudi (Abed on NBC’s Community) will announce our five winning INTERPRETATIONS finalists. Finally, come out to our FREE INTERPRETATIONS Panel on Sunday afternoon. It should be a fun weekend for all (especially for those of you kind enough to buy me a drink…or two)!

 Read more...

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How to Have No Ambition in Life and Get a Starring Role in a Movie

  • October 21, 2010 12:05 am

NORITH

Norith Soth did not change his name. That shit is real. Norith has watched more films than an entire nuclear family. He has written more scripts than any 5, ok, let’s not exaggerate, make it 3.5, creepy, plaid shirted Caucasians at Starbucks (that’s a lot of scripts). He always believes his next film will be the “Citizen Kane” of that genre. He aims high. That’s why he falls hard. But aiming high is all he knows.

Some people come to this country to become doctors, lawyers, politicians, to pursue the American Dream… my older brother, Bora, had a dream too and he achieved it with flying colors: To not get job, not pay rent and not have any ambition in life. It’s harder than you think.

                                BORA
Hi, I cannot get to the phone right now, but I will get back to you as soon as I’m able to.

Bora Soth was a good student. Cypress High Class of ’87. 3.5 GPA. Speaks three languages fluently. English, Cambodian and French. Great vocabulary. Amazing memory. Rain Man-esque really. He’ll tell you what phone number you had 20 years ago…

                                 BORA
714-xxx-xxxx was our phone number from ’01 to ’05, stupid.

He’s obsessed over birthdays, which he memorizes as a hobby. Uncles, cousins, grandparents, pets, and his favorite… celebrity birthdays. Tell him what day you were born and he’ll tell you which movie star shares your birth date.

                                   BORA
Which celebrities are born on my birthday? How can you be so oblivious? December 23rd. That’s Corey Haim, Estella Warren,
Joan Severance and Jim Harbaugh.  Read more...

22 Comments on How to Have No Ambition in Life and Get a Starring Role in a Movie

Jerome & Inception: fan fiction – THE HUMAN VAULT, part two.

  • October 21, 2010 12:00 am

I have been challenged to write about Inception once a week until the end of the year.  Not that this really changes anything because I was planning on doing that anyway.

This week, we continue my adventure into the world of fan fiction.  It’s probably safe to say we won’t be getting any more Inception stories from Nolan and the Blu-Ray doesn’t come out till later this year.  So in order to get a fix, I’m pretty much gonna have to make my own so hopefully, you need a fix too.

The first is a story in parts.  Part 1 is here.  This would be Part 2.  It’s called

“The Human Vault.“  Read more...

3 Comments on Jerome & Inception: fan fiction – THE HUMAN VAULT, part two.

It’s Halloween…I Want Candy!

  • October 21, 2010 12:00 am

I was talking to a friend who’s a parent to two young children and he got around to sharing his Halloween plans with me. In a nutshell, he’s going to hand out “healthy” alternatives to the traditional candy/chocolate and take his kids trick-or-treating at the homes of other friends who were planning a more health-conscious Halloween celebration for their own children. It sounds like there’s a trend toward this movement as evidenced by articles like this and this offering tips on a healthier Halloween.

And to this, I can only say…What the Fuck?!!!

Look, I know childhood obesity and other issues related to kids eating too much junk is an epidemic in our country. And I get that I might feel differently if I were a parent myself, but…come on, it’s Halloween! If you’re a kid, the holiday should be about this:

 Read more...

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