Jerome & Inception: polyester plot holes – the second.

I have been challenged to write about Inception once a week until the end of the year.  Not that this really changes anything because I was planning on doing that anyway.

September 30. 2010

The withdrawal is finally setting in.  With no real IMAX playing Inception in my area, my only option is to ride out this spiritual drought until the end of the year.  How appropriate that the end of this challenge coincides with the beginning of my renewal.  We will all be able to laugh about it then, but for now, it is pure, unadulterated anguish that courses within my being.

You would think that this new venom-filled column about these so-called “plot holes” would only tense me up and stress me out, and yet – my anger sustains me; this rage drives me.  I will survive.

Now, imagine Gloria Gaynor singing.

This week, I’m addressing yet another aspect of the greatest movie ever that people seem to take issue with, that being the matter of Cobb’s totem.

And before we go any further, I shan’t be discussing whether or not it was all a dream.

No, I’ll be talking about why the hell Cobb would tell Ariadne what the specific purpose of his totem was.

10 Asian Food Halloween Costumes

MICHELLE

Michelle Woo is the creator of Woo!, a daily blog about fashion, lifestyle and all the cool things that make her say, “Woo!” She is also a freelance writer and the online media manager at KoreAm. You can follow her on Twitter

The words “Asian Halloween Costumes” make me cringe (no more Geisha girls, please!) but for some reason, I find great pleasure in seeing people dressed as Asian foods and beverages. It’s quirky, it’s fun. Look what my husband and I went as last year. Can you guess? (Pssst, for all the kids out there, the answer is Vietnamese Noodle Soup Prince.)

And the year before that, my friends and I were the cutest sushi girls around, if I do say so myself. Check out our wasabi headbands and ginger earrings.

This Halloween, why not show your love for your favorite Asian dish or drink by becoming it? Here are 8 more ideas collected from around the internet to get your brains thinking and stomachs growling.

A Deer That Knows How To Party

A deer in Weihai, which is located in China’s Shandong province, seems to have developed a drinking problem.

The deer in question has acquired a taste for beer and will no longer drink water (although it will settle for wine if there is a beer shortage). According to Zhang Xiangxi, a waitress at a resort in Weihai where the deer hangs out, this all started last November:

“I saw a bottle of beer was still half full so I playfully passed it to the deer. Unexpectedly, it bit the bottle … and drank all the beer in one shot… To begin with, it was half a bottle but now it is several big bottles in a row. Her daily feed is around two bottles. I don’t know what her maximum appetite is, though we once tried giving her four bottles and she drank them all.”

And the rest is hazy history.

Andrew Shirvell, Radical Homosexual Hunter

You might have heard about Michigan Assistant Attorney General Andrew Shirvell’s unhealthy obsession ongoing quest to expose an individual who may be one of our nation’s biggest threats: Chris Armstrong. Who is Chris Armstrong, you ask? Is he a known associate of Osama Bin Laden or other terrorist groups? Is he a spy for some foreign power who is threatening our national security?

Nope, Armstrong’s the first openly gay assembly body president at the University of Michigan. And why is he such a threat? Well, according to Shirvell, it’s because he’s…uh…well, he’s openly gay i.e. he’s promoting a dangerously radical homosexual agenda.

Shirvell is so concerned about this one student that he started a blog entitled the Chris Armstrong Watch (I’d check it out now before it mysteriously disappears) devoted completely to…Chris Armstrong. As Shirvell wrote in his inaugural post: “This is a site for concerned University of Michigan alumni, students, and others who oppose the recent election of Chris Armstrong – a RADICAL HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVIST, RACIST, ELITIST, & LIAR – as the new head of student government.”

The Incredible Art of Li Wei

You may have heard of Li Wei, but for those of you who haven’t, Li is a pretty incredible artist.  He uses a mixture of acrobatics, illusions, harnesses and scaffolding to create his photos which seemingly defy gravity and the laws of physics.  Although his photographs are often touted as “not photoshopped,” technically, you would have to use some sort of software to get rid of the harness wires.  Still, his photos are nothing short of amazing.

I love how dynamic the photos are and the sense of humor and whimsy that’s inherent in them.  If you thought it was hard to tell a story in the 3 minutes allotted time for the Interpretations competition, just imagine how hard it would be to tell a story in one frame.  And yet, Li Wei’s photos are able to do just that.

Li reportedly dropped out of art school and dabbled in oil painting before finding his calling in “action art”.

Freedegree over 25th story

“Take Me To Your Leader”

It’s comforting to know that the United Nations (yes, that UN) is thinking about and tackling the big issues of our time like who will make first contact with an alien from outer space if and when such an occasion arises.

And who is the UN’s choice for the individual who will be the chosen one to welcome those little green men to our planet? According to recent reports, that task has fallen to Dr. Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist and head of the UN’s Office for Outer Space Affairs (Unoosa). And I bet you didn’t even know the UN had an Office for Outer Space Affairs. Yes, you really do learn something new from reading YOMYOMF everyday.

Dr. Othman does seem like the right candidate for this position. She’s certainly qualified and considering that Asians make up the majority of the people on earth, it also seems appropriate for an Asian person to represent our population. The only problem is that Dr. Othman is now saying those initial reports were bogus and not only is she not the UN’s representative to our E.T. brethren, but the UN itself doesn’t even have such a position.

To which I carefully sniff the air and proclaim that I detect the scent of…bullshit.

homeless Joe

I spent the first part of my stay in Atlanta with my aunt.  It is a different Atlanta.  I want to live in that Atlanta.  Hotel/Downtown Atlanta, I do not want to live in.  When I was younger the whole ‘energy’ thing didn’t make sense to me.  Probably because I didn’t have the life experience to read my surroundings.  I was much more inward, it was all about me.  These days the people and surroundings affect me much more than I would like sometimes.  With that said I don’t like living in downtown Atlanta.  I’ve been trying to figure out why.  I’ve come to the conclusion it’s because of a man named Joe.  He calls himself Homeless Joe.  Anytime I step out of my hotel it’s just a matter of minutes before Joe appears and rushes toward me.  Joe has a distinguished face.  You can tell he was a good athlete.  He’s articulate and charming.  He knows asking for a  handshake is crossing the personal space boundary so he raises his fist for a bump.  I can do a bump.  But no hand shake.  He goes into his routine ” I’m Homeless Joe, just call ne Homeless Joe.  This is my city, welcome to my city. Where you from? Are you leaving tomorrow? You know what the greatest nation is?   DONATION.”  How about a couple of bucks?

Ohmigod! Quick! The kids are gone! Hurry, hon, pack up! Right now! It’s gonna be awesome – right? I mean, I’m not even asking – I KNOW it’s gonna be awesome!! I can’t wait! Can…Not…Wait. Okay: unplug the coffee maker and don’t forget the massage oil!

For those of you who have kids, I know you’ll understand this.  For those of you who don’t, just trust me.

When the stars align just so, and your kids are gone for the night, something happens.  A sense of giddiness and anticipation, along with their country cousins panic and dread, set in, because you know there’s only one thing to be done: the romantic getaway

Have to have it.  Now or never.  And the kids are never gone.  Well, maybe one is, but then the other isn’t.  But for both for them both to be gone at the same time?   This is a precious gift indeed, and you have to have a sublime romantic romp now, now, now. 

Thai Girl + Foreign Man = Ruv

There is a small province in northeastern Thailand called Udon Thani.  It’s the kind of place where John Rambo would retire.  There, about 11,000 foreign men have descended, taken a Thai lady for a wife, and made that area their new home.  I learned about this from a NY Times article via Angry Asian Man and, to be honest, I clicked on it with a slight motivation of disgust (or perhaps a desire to move there myself.  I can’t remember).  I really wanted to hate the contents of the article, thinking that it would just be a continued evolution of the 1960′s – foreign, western men getting their juicy fix of exotic Asian lady-love.  I read and reread the article and watched the accompanying video several times too.  As much as I was hoping to cry foul, I did not.  In fact, to my surprise, I found myself becoming rather introspective about how creative people are willing to get to find their version of hope, love, and happiness (and I did this all while eating 2 hotdogs and a bag of Cheetos).

I understand this topic is a polarizing issue and has pissed off as many people as it has given pleasure to for decades.  I, for one, am not a fan of rich people tempting the impoverished or the needy with their hard currency in exchange for sex or love or some sort of perverted version of love.  Yes, there are “Man Tours” of Thailand and Latin America.  Just go online and google it and you’ll find tours specializing in taking the Western man on an adventure of sightseeing, cultural exchange, and all you can eat foreign pussy.  They’re great.  Just kidding.  I don’t leave for another two weeks.  I’m not here to debate the morality of it or whether it is right or wrong.  What makes this whole east/west/south sex, love, and money exchange so complex to understand is that there are so many different versions of it.  But is it all bad (or good)?  A slippery slope indeed but it’s something I find fascinating, especially this whole Udon Thani phenomenon…

The U.S. Military’s Secret Weapon: Ghosts

Bullets and bombs aren’t the only weapons the U.S. military has used in its quest for victory. Ghosts, superstitions and even vampires (and not the kind that “sparkle” and won’t have sex with you) have all been employed to defeat our enemies on the battlefield.

According to this recent piece in io9, the U.S. military has used local supernatural beliefs as an ongoing part of a psychological warfare agenda against its enemies. Following are two examples of how this was done against our Asian brethren; in the Philippines during the 1950s and then again a few years later during the Vietnam War.

Major General Edward G. Lansdale spearheaded the aforementioned effort in the Philippines while fighting the Communist Huk rebels to make it seem as if an Asuang, a traditional vampire-like creature in the Filipino culture that can fly (she has wings) and has a taste for unborn fetuses, was present in the area. Yup, the big military strategy was to pretend there was a vampire lose. Here’s how Lansdale explained it:

Where East Weds West

Check out this New York Times story on Udon Thani, a poor farming village in Thailand where marriages between Western men and Thai women is so exclusive, it’s become an industry.

The husbands are predominately white men who are retirees and their wives are half their age. A couple of interesting observations:

- The hippie dude, who reeks of SPTM syndrome, who at the 3:12 mark, compares “Thai women to American women 50 years ago.”

- The first couple’s son, who looks like the Indonesian smoking baby.

The Perks of Growing Old As An Artist

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ro_wIWh1fSc[/youtube]

(video is of a rehearsal of a work-in-progress that my friend is still developing… enjoy it!)

Sometimes you meet people and you don’t realize how long they’ll be in your life.  That was the case with me and my friend Kennedy.  I had met him in the early 1990′s when he and I were both working the same show in San Francisco.  I initially insulted him by laughing at his age (he was 3 year older and that seemed sooooo OLD!) but somehow he and I kept bumping into each other for the next 15+ years.  When I moved to LA and found myself alone and friendless, I saw Kennedy again at an event and he was the one who said, “Give LA 9 months.  Then you’ll see if you really like it or not.”  (I took his advice.)