You are currently browsing the archives for July 2010.

What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – July 25 – 31, 2010

  • July 31, 2010 10:31 pm

Over the past couple of days, I’ve had to fend for myself and I’ve learned some stuff outside of YOMYOMF.  For example: I can’t cook.  Left to my own devices, my breakfasts will be Cinnamon Toast Crunch and milk; my lunches, microwaveable; and dinners, anything my dear aunts happen to be making.  I just got back from the grocery store and the only things I bought were milk and Cocoa Puffs.

The cashier turned his head up from my purchases to me so slowly, in the way only slow motion could make more agonizing.

One day, I’ll grow up and eat Total.

As July comes to an end, YOMYOMF takes a gander at new ways Korean men can get some vagina; the latest in masturbation innovations; and worms.

In other words, I’ve got a wholesome post for you today.  Read more...

1 Comment on What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – July 25 – 31, 2010

Enjoy Some Bukkake Milk This Weekend

  • July 31, 2010 12:11 am

Check out this “interesting” Japanese commercial for Bukkake Milk a.k.a. the “Number 1 most honorable brand mammal juice drink” below. If you’re a regular reader of our blog, you know what the term “bukkake” means (get schooled YOMYOMF-style here and here). If not, let Wikipedia instruct you here. And remember: “Swallow. The flavor is like a fist.” And with that, all I can say is WOW!:

15 Comments on Enjoy Some Bukkake Milk This Weekend

The Burning Question

  • July 30, 2010 3:00 am

“Hey spaz, do you eat to live, or live to eat?”

Hillary Malloy giggled as she asked me the question.  I was floored.  I didn’t have an answer.  It wasn’t the content of the question, it was the fact that Hillary was talking to me at all.  I was in Catholic middle school – St. Brendan’s – and Hillary was at the top of a holy triumvirate second in stature only to The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost.

Hillary Malloy, Tina Hammers, and Maryanne Reyes.  The big Three.  God they were cute.  More than cute.   Every boy in school desired them.  Read more...

4 Comments on The Burning Question

12 More Things Overheard During The Filming Of The Koreatown Reality Show

  • July 30, 2010 12:01 am

I previously blogged about 10 things overheard during the filming of the upcoming reality show set in L.A.’s Koreatown.  This week, new photos of the cast of the Tyrese-produced series have surfaced and, in a related story, a new study says crimes like robbery and rape could increase in neighborhoods where reality shows are set so watch your back, Koreatown!  But to commemorate this latest news, here are more things overheard during the production of the “Asian” Jersey Shore:

1. If I projectile vomit all over you, will you still sleep with me?

2. You mean Brad Pitt didn’t start his career as a gay porn star/reality show train wreck? Ah, fuuuuuck me! I wish someone had told me that sooner!

3. “My totem is a spinning soju bottle.” “OMG, mine too!” “OMG, me too!” “OMG, me too!” “OMG, what if we’re all dreaming right now?” “OMG!!!!” “OMG!!!”

 Read more...

3 Comments on 12 More Things Overheard During The Filming Of The Koreatown Reality Show

Defiance of a Child of 4.29

  • July 29, 2010 1:20 pm

K.W.

At 82-years-old, K.W. Lee is considered the “Godfather of Asian American journalism.” He immigrated to the U.S. in 1950 on a student visa and became the first Asian immigrant to be hired by a mainstream news daily and has reported for the Kingsport Times and News in Tennessee, the Charleston Gazette in West Virginia and the Sacramento Union. He has covered stories ranging from the plight of coal miners in the Appalachians to the civil rights movement in the Jim Crow South to the unjust incarceration of Chol Soo Lee. K.W. founded the Korea Times English Edition and continues to work and lecture across the country. He is also working on a project to document the Korean American experience during the L.A. riots.

The Tiananmen Square Massacre broke out in 1989.

Nobody knew the name of that forlorn figure of a Chinese youth on the TV screen in a death-defying, heart-stopping standoff, daring to stop the rolling tanks at Beijing’s blood-drenched Tiananmen Square.

Three years later, a made-in-USA mini- urban pogrom erupted in, of all places, the City of Angeles. It’s called the April 29, 1992, L. A. Riots or Sa-I-Gu (4-2-9 in Korean).

Nobody knew another lonely figure, a faceless Korean grocer’s son, who penned a heart-rending letter of protest and defiance to the mighty Los Angeles Times at the height of the local media-instigated open season on hapless Korean mom&pop storekeepers in the crime-and-violence-ridden inner cities of LA.  Read more...

1 Comment on Defiance of a Child of 4.29

Jerome & Inception: a bit of background.

  • July 29, 2010 10:15 am

That I love the greatest film ever made is no secret.  And so, as with almost every great love in history, mine must be tested, challenged, and assailed at every turn and Phil has fired the first (official) volley.

only use details...

In case you haven’t been reading (in which case we’ll have to change that with inception), the challenge he has posed for me is to write one Inception-themed post a week till the end of the year.  Which you know – if you have any idea the kind of person I am – isn’t much of a challenge at all.  But since most of you readers probably don’t keep track of the lives of nerdy, maladjusted obsessives through their online avatars, this first post will be a primer about me.

As well as a fucking awesome exercise in vanity and narcissism.

 Read more...

7 Comments on Jerome & Inception: a bit of background.

Hungry for Haiku: NYC moments

  • July 29, 2010 1:09 am

plant of the fried sweet-
dots doughnut with lavender
spa meets sugar fix

Katz – smoked meat market
wurst makes a knoble date with
pastrami wingman

mainlining pork buns
need 12-step to purge the pork
Yum-o-fuku high…

Short time in NY

Friends with the food lists, thank you-

Sunshine, Nick, Bond, DHH, ja718, Nina, Pat, Jonathan Gold, Kurly Kolly and others…

left hungry for more

4 Comments on Hungry for Haiku: NYC moments

How To Scar A Bear For Life

  • July 29, 2010 12:01 am

Due to my paralysis from celebrating hamburger day and the additional all-you-can-eat Korean bbq dinner on top of that, a painless lazy quick post for today. Saw the following video from a Japanese game show over at Absolutely Fobulous. 

Basically, the goal here seems to be to scare the fuck out of a baby bear by throwing it into a cage with a lion cub and a monkey. The bear’s reactions are pretty intense and you know this is going to emotionally scar it for life. When this bear grows up to become some psychotic monster out to indiscriminately kill all lions, monkeys and Asian game show hosts, the Japanese will only have themselves to blame. But make sure to check out the end of the video when you catch a glimpse of what’s to come as the bear cub decides to fight back:  Read more...

10 Comments on How To Scar A Bear For Life

Worm Factory

  • July 28, 2010 12:41 am

My husband and I have started to try our hand at growing vegetables in our yard.  OK, actually it’s more like he’s growing the vegetables and I just watch.  With my brown thumb, my sorry attempt at growing a few herbs failed miserably in mass plant genocide. 

So far, my husband has successfully sprouted some tomatoes, basil and green onions and the potato-in-a-bucket looks promising as well.  Our kale was unfortunately devoured by caterpillars.
 

We’ve also decided to be more eco friendly by refraining from using pesticides and chemical fertilizers.  So over the weekend, we ended up buying our very own vericomposter. 

“What the hell is a vericomposter?” you might ask.  Well, it’s basically a worm factory.  The worms eat up our garbage and create poo that is a natural fertilizer. 
 Read more...

8 Comments on Worm Factory

How I’ll be Celebrating National Hamburger Day

  • July 28, 2010 12:02 am

Yes, loyal readers, today is National Hamburger Day a.k.a. one of the most awesome holidays ever created. And considering that Americans consume 14 billion hamburgers a year, I don’t think I’m alone in thinking this is an awesome holiday. Since it would be unpatriotic not to recognize this occasion, I have vowed to do so by eating as many hamburgers for lunch as possible. I would extend this vow through dinner but I already have plans for all-you-can-eat Korean bbq so I don’t want to look like a pig.

So what I think I’ll do is a walking burger lunch tour through my hood (which is Los Feliz and Silver Lake). I figure this way I’ll get some exercise and burn off some of the calories I’ll be consuming so it’s a win-win. Anyway, here’s the plan:  Read more...

7 Comments on How I'll be Celebrating National Hamburger Day

Trailer Mash-Ups: ‘Inception’ Flavah

  • July 27, 2010 2:18 pm

I’ve been giving my fellow Offender Jerome a hard time for geeking out so much on Inception (no, Jerome, it’s not technically illegal to marry a movie, but it’s generally frowned upon). So I thought I’d throw him a boner bone and do an Inception-flavored post. Those of you who already spend too much time online like me has probably already seen the various Inception trailer mash-ups. Following are a few of my favs.

Oh, and I’ve challenged Jerome to write an Inception-themed post every week until the end of the year. He might have thought I was joking, but I’m totally serious and if he’s a real man, he would accept the challenge. So I guess we’ll just have to wait to see if he is or not. In the meantime, enjoy:

Up mash-up:

 Read more...

30 Comments on Trailer Mash-Ups: 'Inception' Flavah

Warhol Would Smile

  • July 27, 2010 1:00 am

Okay, someone needs to tell me flat out: is “Exit Through The Gift Shop” a hoax or not?

I hadn’t heard about this angle going in to the movie.  When I left the theater, I thought I had just seen a very smart meditation on what is – or isn’t – art, and who is – or isn’t – an artist, and who does – and doesn’t – get to decide.

I was mulling over what the real differences were between Banksy, Shepard Fairey and Mr. Brain Wash, and found that I very much agreed with the street artist in the movie who says, “The joke’s on us.  Or maybe the joke’s on them.  Or maybe there’s no joke at all.”  Read more...

2 Comments on Warhol Would Smile

The Japanese Make Masturbation Even More Awesome

  • July 27, 2010 12:01 am

Kanojo Toys, a Japanese “adult toy” company, has come out with a new product called the Count Machine Onahole (a.k.a. Penetration Count Masturbator). If you’ve ever wondered how many times you “stroke” yourself during masturbation, this is the invention for you.

Here’s the official description of how this machine works: “The Count Machine Onahole is a brilliantly clever masturbator with a realistic hole inside a hi-tech tube. A simple, handheld control counts the number of times you enter and exit the passage, as well as letting you know how much time has gone by.”

Not only that, but this marvel of science will also help you get in shape while you’re spanking your monkey. It’s supposedly designed so that each stroke will burn the maximum number of calories. Wow, who needs a boring gym membership?  Read more...

5 Comments on The Japanese Make Masturbation Even More Awesome

I am not a foodie : (

  • July 26, 2010 2:00 am

I am not a foodie.  Plain and simple.

If I draw a 5 mile radius around my home in Los Angeles, there exists some of the finest restaurants known to humankind.  From top-rated Michelin fare to Zagat’s best to world-renowned, celebrity chef kitchens, some of the most amazing (and most expensive) gastronomically orgasmic restaurants on earth are within walking distance from my pad.  For the ardent foodie (such as my sexy Offender, Elaine), he or she would be in abdominal bliss knowing that such fine dining is but a hop, skip, and a jump away.  But for me, it’s no big deal.  In fact, it’s no deal at all.  It’s like I’m a gay eunuch living in a neighborhood brimming with the finest of titty bars.  Read more...

13 Comments on I am not a foodie : (

The Sarah Palin Story–Taiwanese Style

  • July 26, 2010 1:11 am

No one reports the news using animated graphics better than our Taiwanese friends (click here for an example). Well, they’re at it once again, this time focusing on Sarah Palin and whether or not she’ll run in 2012. And once again, there are startling new facts in this video including Palin’s pole dancing antics and a mud wrestling match with President Obama. Who knew? See it to believe it:

4 Comments on The Sarah Palin Story--Taiwanese Style

Being All-American Means Eating All That You Can Eat

  • July 26, 2010 12:16 am

TOM

Tom Huang is an indie filmmaker, as well as paying his bills as a writer, director and producer. His latest feature, Why Am I Doing This?, a multi-award-winning film about an Asian-Am guy and a African-Am guy failing in Hollywood, is now out everywhere on DVD, including amazon.com. The Boston Herald called it “a raucous look at life in Los Angeles for an actor,” while Tom’s mom said, “I don’t get it.” He is currently working on Unusual Targets with Harry Shum, Jr. from Glee, and is also trying to catch the first season of Mad Men on DVD because everyone says it’s so good.


Being American, and being Asian, I love seeing things that have fused the two, that shows how our increasingly diverse cultures in America have had sex and made a hapa child that is Asian in background, but totally American in it’s design. In this case, what do you get when you mix Asia and the American spirit? No, I’m not talking Keanu Reeves … I’m talking about the all-you-can-eat Asian food extravaganza.

I’m talkin’ the all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ experience, where, for a set price, they give you all the various Korean marinated flesh from four different animals you can ask for (no sharing or take-outs, please), and then make you cook it all yourself on a table-top grill (who thought that up scam up? You pay so you can cook?). Or the Hong Kong buffet, where you pick from about 500,000 trays of Chinese food (including the real shit like chicken feet and rubbery cows parts), poorly prepared sushi made by a Chinese immigrant in a karate outfit, and a soft-serve ice milk ice cream machine that you can top with nuts, chocolate sauce and lychees.  Read more...

5 Comments on Being All-American Means Eating All That You Can Eat

Korean Men Can Now Falsely Promise Marriage To Get Sex & Other Wacky Asian Sex Laws

  • July 26, 2010 12:01 am

South Korea has finally thrown out a law enacted in 1953 that banned men from falsely promising to marry a woman to trick them into having sex. The penalty for breaking this law was two years in prison and a fine that came out to about $4,000 U.S.

The court overturned this law by saying it no longer reflected modern sensibilities and contradicted the government’s “constitutional obligation to aim for the equality of men and women.” The court went on to add that “the government should refrain from interfering in men’s sexual activities of tempting women…” Right on!

The decision is being met with mostly positive reaction from both the men previously convicted of this crime who will receive an automatic acquittal and possible state compensation and from major women’s groups like Korean Womenlink which agreed the law was outdated and said, in part: “It had not been a law that protected women’s human rights but a law that protected women’s chastity.”

But Korea isn’t the only Asian country that’s had archaic or strange sex laws. Here are some others:  Read more...

6 Comments on Korean Men Can Now Falsely Promise Marriage To Get Sex & Other Wacky Asian Sex Laws

World is For Play – Trailer

  • July 25, 2010 10:20 pm

I’ve been working countless hours on a bmx webseries project recently. I know its no excuse for my lack of blogging but my mind gets distracted easily these days when the paycheck is on the line. As I’m creating this from start to finish, I wanted to share my experience with you as this project has made me grow as a filmmaker. I’ve usually taken the role of a writer and/or producer on projects. But after I wrote and pitched the idea to the company, my producer asked me to direct it too. I figure after listening to the interpretation’s panel at the VC film fest and heard what the panel had to say, I stuck to their advice and “dared to fail”. Hopefully sharing some of these experiences of my journey will help any young filmmaker out there, especially any of you preparing to shoot their own interpretations entry.

I’ve learned that in trailers, less is more. Part of the trick, especially something like bikes and bmx, is to evoke emotion. And for a youtube video, you want it quick and fast. I didn’t have to explain the story nor did I have a deep-voiced dude saying some voice over. Instead, I turned something fast pace and high energy into something more epic and surreal. Stay tune as I’ll try to go over my journey with you from storyboarding to shooting four locations a day to the editing process as each episode launches. Here is the trailer to the 3 part webseries.

Enjoy!  Read more...

4 Comments on World is For Play - Trailer

I hate my fuckin’ DENTIST.

  • July 25, 2010 1:37 pm

Reason #4 Why I haven’t dated an Asian guy in a decade: My DENTISTS.

I exist only to prove hell is real.

I HATE them and they just happens to be Asian.  Literally HATE them.  If he was German, maybe I’d hate all Germans.  I’ve always hated ALL dentists but these two specifically. WHO LIKES DENTISTS????  Gentlemen, just to give you an idea of what being a woman is like, imagine going to the dentist.  When you’re at the dentist, a STRANGER you’ve known for maybe 10 minutes a year is ENTERING your orifice and is poking around in there doing things YOU can’t see but you can FEEL… and to add insult upon injury, he/she is commenting on it!  “Oooh, looks like you need to take better care of that tooth.” “Ooooh, not a big flosser I see.”  “Wow, you’ve got great gums!” Yeah, feel our pain.

 Read more...

19 Comments on I hate my fuckin' DENTIST.

I feel sorry for Steven Hayashi

  • July 25, 2010 12:34 pm

You think you’ve got it made.  You finally find a nice home in Corcord, CA, a nice suburb of the SF Bay Area served by BART and great warm weather.  You’ve got two sons almost fully grown, 19 years old and 13 years old.  You live on a street called Trailcreek Court.  You have a few dogs in the yard.  American dream accomplished, check.

Yes your Honor, I owned dogs.

Then your dogs maul your 2 year old step-grandson and now you’re in jail for child endangerment and you’re only 52 years old.  Read more...

14 Comments on I feel sorry for Steven Hayashi