Actor Rejections

Good choice? Bad choice?

“Thank you.”

That’s how you know you’re being rejected at an acting audition.  Whether you’re performing a monologue or cold-reading a side or reading commercial copy, that quick ‘thank you, please move on with you life because I’m moving on with mine’ is the kiss of death.  Sometimes, it’s better to hear flat out silence after an audition because it means you made them stop and think.  Or in any case, stop.

Send Your Toys On A Vacation…With Us

Are your stuffed animals stressed out and in need of a vacation? Well, there’s a new travel agency in the Czech Republic that has the solution to your problem. Inspired by the globe-trotting garden gnome from the film Amelie, the Toy Traveling agency is offering a luxury vacation package for…your stuffed animal.

That’s right—your stuffed animal will be escorted around Prague and photos will be taken of him/her at all the lovely tourist sites. You can even pay extra for your favorite toy to receive a massage complete with candles and incense.

Damn, do people actually pay for this shit?!

Working in a Box?

I was 15 years old and broke. And as we all know, it sucks to be 15 and broke (I know, it sucks at all ages but at 15 you’re simply stuck with very few options). Unlike my friends who got allowances, I was not so fortunate. I did, however work at my parents’ mom ‘n pop fish and chips restaurant. But knowing how much of a struggle it was to get by, no way was I going to ask for money. So one day I went to school and applied for a work permit. I decided it was time for me to grow up and make it on my own. And the corporate ladder I chose to climb was our local Jack in the Box.

This is not the glorious Jack in the Box we all know now with the Lakers halftime show, this was the old Jack in the Box known for allegedly serving its patrons kangeroo meat (still not sure if this is a fact but in the 80′s that was the word on the street).

My First Hollywood Rejection

Ah, your first time…you never forget it. My first “Hollywood” rejection was for a spec episode I wrote for the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation.

This was back in college and I was 19 or 20 years-old…as green as a spring pasture in Ireland. Now I was by no means a Trekker or hard-core Trek fan, but I grew up on reruns of the original Star Trek series and started watching the Next Generation (TNG) in school because my housemate and our buddies would get stoned and watch it. I was very anti-TV during that time and tried to resist as long as possible but, in the end, resistance was…uh…futile. I did enjoy the show but if I wasn’t a big fan, why did I pick that series to write for? Honestly, for one simple reason…it was the only show on the air that accepted unsolicited scripts. So even a nobody like me had a shot in theory.

Remember To Neuter Your Tiger (Woods)

Those wacky folks at PETA are at it again. They announced this past week that they were going to unveil the following billboard in Florida to encourage pet owners to spay or neuter their pets:

But after “talking” with Tiger Woods’ lawyers, PETA announced yesterday that they will place the billboard “on hold” for now and go with another campaign. That must have been quite a talk.

Mr. Rejection

Been enjoying running alone lately, maybe it’s a part of getting older, or maybe I’m turning into a hermit.  Funny thing, before I discovered running I couldn’t stand to be by myself, I always had to have someone around me.  Running has changed me, mostly it’s calmed me down.  It’s made me less anxious, less angry, less bitter.  Solitude seems, well, just easier.  It’s quieter.  The sounds of my footsteps and natures musical score beats any ipod running mix or people chit chat.  Running alone comes with less baggage.  No one to judge or be judged by.  No one to follow or be followed by.  The only one that’s going to beat me is me.  I’m accountable to myself from start to finish. Conversations with myself are quick and efficient.  No concerns about feelings being hurt or taking things the wrong way.  Even the most difficult questions answer themselves after two hours of running.  If not, then the question isn’t really worth asking.

How to Take Rejection

I’ll never forget this great story my late professor at Berkeley, Dr. Larry Stark, told me. By then he was tenured, established and about to retire, but back in the day, when he was still getting his doctoral degree, he needed to get his technical papers published to establish his resume.

He had done all the research, run the experiments and written out his results. To better his odds, he had written up three different papers, hoping to get at least one published. He sent “Paper A” to “Journal A,” “Paper B” to “Journal B” and “Paper C” to “Journal C”. He waited anxiously to find out whether they’d been accepted for publication. Unfortunately, all three papers were rejected. Needless to say, Larry was pretty dejected.

Along with each rejection came suggestions from the editor on how he could change the paper to be publishable. So Larry set the papers aside, thinking eventually that he would get to them and make the necessary changes–maybe he would rerun some of the experiments. But then he had an idea. He decided to switch up the papers. So he sent “Paper A” to “Journal B,” “Paper B” to “Journal C” and “Paper C” to “Journal A”. And guess what? All three papers were accepted!

One Man’s Meter Maid Is Another Man’s Freedom Fighter

First there was Karen Silkwood. Then Jeffrey Wigand. Linda Tripp. And now, there’s Shirnell Smith, 44, meter maid for the city of Oakland.

She’s been issuing parking tickets for 22 years, a loyal company woman. But she has her integrity. And she has her breaking point.

Smith and three other parking officers are blowing the whistle on a secret July 24th memo issued by the parking department directing meter maids not to ticket cars in affluent neighborhoods. The two specific offenses parking officers were to ignore: parking in the wrong direction and parking on lawns. I know, I know, rich people parking on lawns? WTF?! Life never ceases to surprise. The article claimed it had something to do with narrow streets and emergency vehicles. That’s obviously code for my Hummer couldn’t squeeze past those two Beemers.

The Folly of Fangs

QUENTIN

Quentin Lee would like to think he’s a part-time drag queen and and full-time hustler moonlighting as a filmmaker. He went to UCLA Film School with fellow Offender Justin whom he co-directed his first feature SHOPPING FOR FANGS with. Subsequently, he made DRIFT, ETHAN MAO and the upcoming THE PEOPLE I’VE SLEPT WITH. He also blogs as Film Hustler.

We made Shopping for Fangs in the summer of ‘96. And like everyone else, we had the dream of getting into the Sundance Film Festival. I was lucky enough to get a grant of 35K from the Canada Council for the Arts, and I scraped together another 50K from friends and relatives to complete the film. Justin and I canned Fangs under 40K on 35mm, which I thought was a pretty amazing feat.

File Under WTF: Japan’s Cross-Dressing Susan Boyle Imitator

Regular readers of my blogs (yes, all four of you) know that I’m fascinated by all the bizarre stuff that the Japanese seem to be into. But when I stumbled upon the following You Tube clip of Smasan Boyle, a Japanese cross-dressing Susan Boyle imitator, well…I have to admit I’m not sure what to make of this actually. It’s obviously a parody of Boyle and her appearances on Britain’s Got Talent, but can someone tell me what the hell is going on? The clip’s in Japanese with no subtitles so I can’t really follow it and it raises all sorts of questions like what’s up with the mysterious man waiting offstage who seems to be making Boyle and anyone who notices him mighty nervous? If you think you can make sense out of this, check it out and enlighten me:

LOST AND HEROES HATE BLACK PEOPLE

I’ve always thought that the token asian characters on television had the bad wrap. Well they do but so do other minorities. And Andre from this first video shows how Lost and Heroes hate black people. That’s right, hate!  But I bet if we were in China, the first guy to die on my tv series would be the white guy ie. minority. Sorry Andre, Tyler Perry can’t write and direct every tv show and movie. All I can say is that at least you have an awesome commercial by Old Spice starring a black guy. Be proud of that.

I Love You YU-NA KIM (b/c Michelle Kwan rejected me…)

I loved you Michelle Kwan, I loved you hard.  Did not my sexy love poem scribed with the blood of my loins inspire you to become a Fan?  Twas my offerings of eternal love, worship, and a lower, middle-class life not enough?  Apparently not.  48 hours of silence can truly deafen a wanton heart.  My soul is cracked and my audacity to hope, guillotined.  All I have left now is my Ni Hao Kai Lan doll with aluminium foil skates (I made them myself) and an ego the size of an ant testicle.  I loved you.  I love you.  I will forever love you.  But I’m a big boy and I can take a hint…