How to crash a White House party

It’s almost a week since aspiring reality-TV D-baggers Tareq and Michaele Salahi crashed the Obamas’ state dinner and TV news still won’t shut up about them. I can’t count how many “how did they do it” pieces I still see every night. All the air time. All the graphics. All the animatics. All the reporting. Is it necessary? Isn’t it obvious how they were able to do it? Take a look at the picture real real close.
All I’m saying is there’s no way I could do it. Hell, I still get harassed at the gates of movie studios when I go for work and meetings. I’m not complaining or anything. It just is what it is.

it Sucks to be Tiger Woods

It sucks to be Tiger Woods.

Now I’m sure no one’s heart is bleeding for a 33 year old billionaire who’s married to a Nordic model and is one of the most admired athletes in history.  Just the mere mention of his name to a passing stranger conjures up feelings and flavors of a life as champion – the stuff that dreams are made of.  Tiger Woods has transcended the fairways and the links and into the hearts and minds of people around the world.  He is no longer just a guy who happens to be good at golf and just happens to be 25% Chinese, 25% Thai, 25% African American, 12.5% American Indian and 12.5% Dutch (who knew DNA could mix to that degree).  Tiger Woods has become an adjective, a metaphor for success.  Tiger Woods is no longer human but an ideal, a brand.


SAF Seeking…. Respectful Public Nudity

Hmm, which head should I use to decide what kind of smoothie I want?

Hmm, which head should I use to decide what kind of smoothie I want?

I love being nude in the great outdoors.  We came into this world nude and we’ll probably be eaten by worms while we rot in the nude.  Now if I’m traipsing thru poison oak, I prefer clothing, but it’s common within the hot springs community that ‘clothing-optional’ means NUDE.  There are many arguments from people who prefer to wear clothing at such spots: “it’s bad for the children”, “it’s distracting”, “it’s dirty”, etc.  However just to give insight, when everyone else is nude, and someone is determined to wear a bathing suit, well, it makes everyone feels awkwardly NAKED.  It’s like how Adam might’ve felt when he first took a bite out of the forbidden apple: “I’m not nude, I’m shameful.”  Anyway, for the most part, nudists tend to be respectful (despite people’s thoughts of nudists being perverted, public masturbators… those are not nudists, those are perverts) and the worst I ever got was when a nude hiker demanded that I ‘show him my titties’ when I was hiking in a bikini in the desert.

Original Offenders: Esther Wong

My fellow Offender Alfredo reminded me in his last post of how hot Debbie Harry is. And that made me think of the time I saw her live at a small Los Angeles club called Madame Wong’s West which I can pinpoint as the night I entered puberty (more on this later). But I would not have had that experience if it were not for Esther Wong a.k.a. the “Godmother of Punk.”

MadameWongBorn in Shanghai in 1917, Wong immigrated to the United States in 1949. In the 1970s and ‘80s, she owned two restaurants/clubs—Madame Wong’s in L.A.’s Chinatown and Madame Wong’s West in Santa Monica—that became the beacon for some of the greatest punk and rock n’ roll bands of the era.

TMZ + National Enquirer = positive Asian American portrayal?

Screw the networks and glossy magazines, the places to go for positive Asian American representation are TMZ and the National Enquirer. Exhibit A: TMZ coverage of Ken Jeong. Did they catch him outside some strip club with no underwear? Did they catch him karate kicking the cameraman? Did they catch him eating egg salad off some men’s room floor? No. They caught him picking up his parents from the airport. I love how much love is in that family and how cool they are with PDA. Priceless.

Exhibit B: Check out National Enquirer’s coverage on Ken.

Thanks for Being San Francisco


I know Thanksgiving is over, but I just wanted to say thank you San Francisco, I love you.  I love your skyline, your clanging cable cars, your steep hills, your incredible vistas, and most of all, your diversity.  I grew up going to Chinatown for live blue crabs and sitting embarrassed on the bus as the crabs tried to claw their way out of the paper bags.  I sat on the bus listening to 15 languages being simultaneously shouted across the aisles.  I celebrated childhood with either Rose or Black Sesame ice cream from Polly Ann’s Ice Cream in the Outer Sunset, or Macapuno or Corn ice cream from Mitchell’s Ice Cream in the Mission.  I spent my high school years ghost-hunting in Golden Gate Park looking for the White Lady (a ghost who’s apparently still searching for her child) at Stow Lake

Betty White? Are You Serious?!

Back in college, one of my architecture professors, Ralf Weber (a dour man from the former East Germany), upon seeing a female student break down crying during a crit, said in his thick deutsche accent, “Your friends and family will always praise your work, no matter how bad. What you need from me is honesty.” Oof. Again, the Germans: long on truth, short on tact.

With that in mind, I offer Justin a spoonful of truth.

Betty White is fine. Betty White is great. Betty White should bake you cookies. Betty White should knit you a scarf. Betty White should offer you some sage advice about which fork to use at dinner. But leave her out of the bedroom.

Taun Taun Obsession

What’s with this blog and Taun Tauns? For all you non-geeks, these were the biped creatures that the Rebellion would ride on like horses on the ice planet of Hoth in the beginning of Stars Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.

We first blogged about the cool sleeping bag, fulfilling our boyhood dreams of using a lightsaber to gut out a taun taun and sleep inside one with innards and all. Scott Holden of Sacramento took this obsession one step further. See for yourself: [youtube][/youtube]

You can also read up on detailed report on how to make your own taun taun costume with the following materials — 3D Studio Max mesh model, wood, clay, plaster, metal, foam, silicone, homemade stilts, and lots of fur.

Chinese Beauty in Red Coat entices the Interwebs


Lust, Caution 2: Electric Bugaloo

Lust, Caution 2: Electric Bugaloo

I had to write this up in response to Phil’s theory that Asian females are the hottest women ever. I’m currently in Taipei right now and saw this story on the evening news…. During President Obama’s visit to China almost two weeks ago, the Chinese media was rampant with reports not about foreign policy, the economy, internet rights or carbon emission policy.

Well, they were, but Chinese netizens were aflutter about the mysterious beauty that sat right behind the President during his speech in Shanghai on November 16. With her red coat and black dress, and steely, sultry looks, the identity of this hottie was under great speculation — ranging from being a cousin to famous actress, Fan Bing Bing, to being the niece to Yang Lan, a media tycoon in Shanghai

Double Happiness: Menthol Madness


When I was growing up, the solution to any bruise, headache, sprain, ailment of the moment was Kwan Loong Oil aka “Qu Feng You”  which literally means “expelling wind oil”.  The expelling wind oil radiated a noxious medicated menthol fume that could knock anyone out within a small city block.  So,  I often preferred being in pain over being rubbed down with the oil for fear of alienating anyone who wasn’t Chinese and over the age of 70.  The alternative to Kwan Loong Oil was Tiger Balm which was pretty much the same thing except the mentholated medicine took the form of a greasy balm.  Though my grand uncle used it religiously, our family were orthodox Kwan Loong Oil only.  Like the Pepsi vs. Coke scenario, I have a feeling that there’s really only one mentholated cure-all that can rule the medicine cabinet – Kwan Loong Oil or Tiger Balm.



Is the day after Thanksgiving really full of incredible sales?  Or do the sales get better in mid-December?

I didn’t go shopping today, but I’ve done my fair share for the economy b/c I live within spitting distance (if you can spit .8 miles) of a Target.  Why don’t I go to Walmart?  It’s supposed to have lower prices.  Why am I so addicted to Tarjé??