Everyone with half a brain knows that Asian guys are the most virile, masculine and sexually-desirable men on the planet. Yet, for some reason, there still exists this stereotype of Asian males as wimpy, emasculated and asexual. And worse still, there are Asian guys who’ve bought into this stereotype and feel insecure when it comes to the opposite sex, especially non-Asian women.

So with that in mind, if you’re a non-Asian chick and you hook up with a brotha at that holiday party or in the fitting room of your local Forever 21, here are 15 things you probably shouldn’t say while the two of you are gettin’ it on:

1) Kim Jong-Il used to make that same squinty-eyed face when I’d go down on him too. *Sigh* I miss him.

2) Just a heads up—I’m really mad at my racist father and to get back at him I told him we’re having sex so he should be bursting into the room any second now with a shotgun.

3) Why yes, that is a “Property of the Aryan Nation” tattoo on my vagina.

4) If I swallow, will you do my trigonometry homework for me?

5) My bad! I thought being violated by octopus tentacles during sex was normal in your culture.

6) You’re so exotic and sexy like whatever the male equivalent of a geisha is.

7) For Christmas, I’m thinking of getting you a mirror to hang over your bed that says “Objects in mirror are bigger than they appear.”

8 ) You know, fifty years ago, they would’ve lynched you and set you on fire for what we’re doing. Doesn’t that thought make you really, really horny?

9) Oh yeah, oh yeah, fuck me, Ching! Fuck me, Ching!…What? That’s not your name? Sorry, I meant, fuck me, Chong! Fuck me, Chong!…What? That’s not your name either? Sorry, I’ve been a little discombobulated since losing my job at Chick-fil-A.

10) I should probably tell you I’m only fucking you as part of my community service for making that video in the UCLA library earlier this year.

11) Hypothetically, uh…how would you feel if you learned you were starring in a “real life” remake of M.Butterfly except with the roles reversed and it was about an Asian guy and his white girlfriend who turned out to have a penis? Uh, well…

12) I used to have a “no sex with Asian men” rule until this weird yeast infection scared off all the other guys.

13) Would you like to be my date at Kim Jong-Il’s funeral? *Sigh* I miss him.

14) Whoa, I just realized I might be a lesbian.

15) Baby, I’m going to do to your penis what your Tiger Mom did to your self-esteem and masculinity!