“Take Me To Your Leader”

It’s comforting to know that the United Nations (yes, that UN) is thinking about and tackling the big issues of our time like who will make first contact with an alien from outer space if and when such an occasion arises.

And who is the UN’s choice for the individual who will be the chosen one to welcome those little green men to our planet? According to recent reports, that task has fallen to Dr. Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist and head of the UN’s Office for Outer Space Affairs (Unoosa). And I bet you didn’t even know the UN had an Office for Outer Space Affairs. Yes, you really do learn something new from reading YOMYOMF everyday.

Dr. Othman does seem like the right candidate for this position. She’s certainly qualified and considering that Asians make up the majority of the people on earth, it also seems appropriate for an Asian person to represent our population. The only problem is that Dr. Othman is now saying those initial reports were bogus and not only is she not the UN’s representative to our E.T. brethren, but the UN itself doesn’t even have such a position.

To which I carefully sniff the air and proclaim that I detect the scent of…bullshit.

When it comes to the government and UFOs/aliens, I think we’ve learned enough to know that whenever the “Man” denies a story related to this topic, they are lying like dogs. Just earlier this week, respected former military personnel testified that there has been an ongoing history of UFO sightings over nuclear facilities, which the government had previously denied. Check this out:

But I can understand why Dr. Othman and the UN feel the need to deny this story. After all, there are enough problems in our world and it wouldn’t be good for the UN’s image to look like they’re spending a bulk of their resources planning for an alien attack encounter. But the truth is, I don’t envy the position that Dr. Othman or whoever the chosen one will find themselves in. If Star Trek has taught us anything, it’s that if you make the wrong decision during the moment of first contact, you could plunge us straight into inter-planetary war.

Because here’s the scary part: no less an authority then Dr. Stephen Hawking, a.k.a. the man who is smarter than anyone reading this blog, has said that if aliens were to make contact with our planet, they would most likely be hostile. Here’s what he thinks will be the possible scenario:

“We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet. I imagine they might exist in massive ships … having used up all the resources from their home planet. Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they can reach.”

He further speculates that such an encounter might be similar to what happened when Christopher Columbus (representing E.T. in this metaphor) arrived in the Americas “which didn’t turn out very well for the Native Americans (i.e. us).”

In addition, if these evil aliens can make it all the way to our planet, they’re obviously going to possess far superior technology than us so no matter what you’ve seen in Hollywood movies, I doubt we’ll defeat them with a computer virus or by throwing water on them.

And even if these aliens aren’t evil, they’ll probably be real inquisitive and curious in an annoying way, asking us questions like “why do you call it the Miss Universe pageant when only women from your planet can participate?” or “Jersey Shore….what’s up with that shit?!” Believe me, you’re going to want a qualified and patient individual who can wade through a potentially tricky and dangerous and annoying situation. It’s not a job I’d want.

Now, all this may be a moot point because there are many who believe aliens are already walking amongst us (well, maybe except in Arizona. If these aliens are smart enough to come here, they’re smart enough to avoid that state) and that the government is in contact with them. Again, the “Man” will dismiss this as untrue and silly, but then how do you explain shit like this:

So good luck to Dr. Othman, the UN and whoever else will be charged with making that positive first impression when that UFO lands and some alien motherfucker who looks like this steps out of the ship:

Of course, I’d be more than happy to volunteer my services for this task if you can guarantee me E.T. looks like this and has only come to earth to study and personally explore the concept of human sexuality:

Live long and prosper, indeed!

5 thoughts on ““Take Me To Your Leader”

  1. Oh they’re fiendishly devious alright. When I read the name “Office for Outer Space Affairs,” I so desperately wanted it to be true, but the name had a touch too much camp to it, so I knew it was bogus. Like a parody of the cold war or something. Which, though, just PROVES that there really IS such an office, just with a much more boring and sober name. I, for one, will not be eating this red herring. I welcome you, our new galactic overlords!

  2. Of course it’s real and true. The gov’t is slowly getting us ready for the day when we’re (finally) introduced to our “galactic overlords” and our fate. I mean, you can’t just drop news like that all in one sitting. We have to be conditioned to the idea little by little.

  3. I, for one, believe that David Tennant should have gotten the position.

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